Masks
by Vegeta Goddess
Summary: A creepy one-shot from Bra's perspective during her first relationship with a man. (GB)


**D****isclaimer: I do not own DBZ**

**A/N – This is a short fic that I've decided to write spur of the moment. It's kind of odd and will probably derive several flames of discontent…but hey, what else is new?**

**~*~**

Not many people know the horror of being stuck inside their own mind. It isn't something that can be easily explained, but to someone who has lived their entire life behind a mask life becomes unbearable. You grow up pretending to be something you aren't to please the people around you. You grow up hiding your fears and emotions behind a smiling face devoid of any true depth. Why? Why do you want to please others? Because it's easier. It's as simple as that. Things are easier if people like you and accept you, and if gaining acceptance comes through pretending to be someone you're not, then so be it. 

I've been screaming inside my own mind for so long all I can hear are screams, but no one must know. I have to smile and nod and keep pretending this is who I am, that this is what I want to do. I have to fool everyone into accepting me. I have to. I have to. If people discovered the real me they'd leave, disappear in a puff of smoke and be gone for good. Then I'd be alone. I don't want to be alone; I'm afraid of who I really am and if I was left alone with only myself for company…

I don't want to think about it.

I don't want to think about what I might do to myself or to the people around me if I became the person I want to be. It's not normal, is it? It's not normal to crave pain and blood, but every time I close my eyes I sink into pitch black memories stained a sickly rusted brown. I can smell the blood and sense it trickle along my skin…it's warm and feels like a spider creeping down my neck. It tickles. Each time I remember the smell and feel of blood I remember the taste; metallic and sweet, like sucking on a copper coin.

It isn't normal. It isn't normal want something so evil so badly. I want blood, I want pain, and I want him to cut me open again so I can watch my life slip out of my body. He said it was normal, he did, but he said it when no one was listening and he whispered it to me so the others wouldn't hear him. He must be lying. It isn't normal. It can't be. No one else does this. None of the other girls do. They talk about sex, not about blood and pain.

Oh God! I want him again; I can feel the need rippling along my skin like flowing honey; sinking into my pores and delving into my innermost being. I can already feel my heart speeding up and hear my heartbeat echoing in my ears as the need takes control. Should I give in? He's so close. All I have to do is reach out and touch him and he'll take me again. 

Gohan. I want to whisper his name. I want to tell him how I feel, but I can't move my lips. My hand moves and I trace the contours of muscles along his back; so strong and firm. His skin feels like hot silk under my palm. He's perfect. He's so perfect it hurts to look at him…but I can't tear my eyes away. He's awake now, I can sense his awareness in the back of my mind; it's a distant hum of power. He took me away from the others so we could be alone. I should be frightened, but I'm not.

He rolls over in one swift movement and growls softly. The growl trickles out of his throat like poison and I feel my mask change from peaceful to afraid. I'm not really afraid. I don't want to look afraid but he expects it. He must. So I do it for him. His eyes, usually so calm and serene are wild and turbulent, they watch me with animal interest. I can tell he's wondering what I'd taste like if he tore open another vein and let more coppery blood spill. His eyes are so black, so dark.

I want to tell him it's okay, that I'm not scared of him. He took off his mask. I want to ask him how so I can take mine off too and show him who lives inside of me. Am I a monster? Would he stay if he knew I liked the pain? I wonder sometimes if he chose me because he thinks I'm afraid of him. He wants to be feared. He grew up wearing a mask that showed people who they wanted him to be. Now he's become a monster. Like I have.

His gaze roves down my body and he meets my eyes with a smirk. He thinks of me as his own property. He's proud that he stole me away from the others and was able to use me in this way. I wish I could tell him that I used him too, but I don't think he'd believe me. Either way he's helping take off my mask. I can feel my control slipping as he reaches for me and pulls me against his body. He's pleased. I can read his pleasure in his eyes as he sees my mask falter.

Is this right? Should I take off my mask? What would he do if he saw who I really am? Is this who he really is? A million doubts fly through my mind. They cloud my thoughts like buzzing insects. I want to believe that we're the same, but I don't want to show him who I am only to have him leave me. I don't want to be left alone with my true self.

"Bra."

My name slides off his tongue so easily. He's calling to me, the _real_ me. My eyelids flicker closed and I feel my real self burst free from my mind like a caged bird. It burns along my skin and my eyelids are flung open again as I burst free from the mind I have hidden in for so long in. No longer am I numb. I can feel. I can feel everything I have ever dreamt of feeling.

Gohan is pleased. His smirk widens. He welcomes me to the real world with a kiss that tears my lip. I can taste blood. I swallow it down and allow Gohan to drink the red liquid from my mouth. His eyes are hypnotic and I gaze into them without masking my own. I revel in my new freedom. I feel a smirk slide onto my face; Gohan didn't leave.

I let my lover show me more pain and blood. I let him show me what he has shown no other. It is his gift to me, just as it is my gift to him. It doesn't feel wrong to be with him. We are the same being. I fit against his body as though I am part of him. Never again will either one of us wear our mask. Never again will we hide our true selves from each other. 

Perhaps it is wrong to crave blood and maybe I am a monster, but it doesn't really matter because this is who I am. 

**~*~**

**A/N – Give me a shout and tell me what you think. It's a new writing style and I'm curious as to how it comes across to others.**


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